


maybe time can mend us together again

by lazyfish



Series: Genuary 2021 [11]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29062605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazyfish/pseuds/lazyfish
Summary: Bobbi's team helps her after she's tortured by Ward.
Relationships: Agents of SHIELD Team & Bobbi Morse
Series: Genuary 2021 [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2087955
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	maybe time can mend us together again

Bobbi looked up from the documents in her lap when the door to the lab opened.

“Sir,” she said when she recognized Coulson’s shadowy form despite the dim light.

“Agent Morse,” he answered. “What are you doing up at this hour?”

“Just looking over some files,” she answered, holding up the folder in question. Fitz had compiled a fair bit of research about the monolith that had taken Jemma and she was looking over it to see if there were any threads he hadn’t pulled on yet.

“You know you need to rest to be able to heal,” Coulson said, finally getting close enough that he was illuminated by the light of the single lamp Bobbi had turned on to do her work by.

“I know.” Bobbi’s face hardened. “But it doesn’t seem like I’m getting anywhere either way, so I might as well be useful, right?” Her physical therapy had been stalling, everyone on base seemed to be pissed off at her, and she had no right to be upset when so many people had it much worse.

“Is this about being useful?” Coulson prodded gently.

“Are you just asking me this because you can’t afford a shrink other than Garner?”

“I’m asking you because I like to believe we share some form of camaraderie,” Coulson answered. “And honestly, I’ve been feeling a bit useless myself.”

“You’ve been doing a great job,” Bobbi said, propping her chin on her hand when she looked up at Coulson. “Better than Fury would have done.”

“I don’t think that’s the compliment you think it is.”

“Sorry.” Bobbi had understood Fury - understood how he saw the world, understood the reasons he made the choices he did. She didn’t understand Coulson, try as she might. She was beginning to think maybe that made her a bad person, which wasn’t a mental spiral she needed while also halfway through about six other mental spirals.

“You don’t need to be.” Coulson leveled his steely-blue gaze at her. “You don’t need to be sorry about any of this.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” While before Bobbi had been content to meet Coulson’s eyes - had wanted to, even, to prove just how okay she was - now she didn’t want him to be looking at her.

“It’s no one's fault but Ward’s that you got hurt. You’re useful enough to this team just by recovering.”

“Funny you should say that, considering you didn’t take a break, either.” Deflection was a stellar coping mechanism.

“That’s different.”

“What, because my knee’s going to heal but your hand’s not going to grow back?”

Coulson winced.

“That’s what I thought,” Bobbi said petulantly. “Come to me about resting when you rest yourself, Director.”

“I was actually going to bed when I saw your light on.” Coulson arched an eyebrow. “Care to turn in with me?”

Bobbi considered making an off-color joke to distract from her own bitterness, but she couldn’t stomach it. Instead she just nodded, and wheeled after Coulson out of the lab.

\---

“I bought stickers!”

Bobbi blinked. “Stickers for…?” she asked, unsure why Daisy was acting like the answer to her question was obvious.

“Your crutches,” Daisy said, beaming. “You’re going to have to see them every day, and honestly if I were you I’d be a little worried with them blending in, since everything around here is grey, basically.”

Bobbi nodded warily, allowing Daisy to fish out a truly impressive amount of stickers from the plastic bag on her arm. Her brand-new crutches were resting against the common room couch, apparently waiting for their makeover.

“Kittens, or puppies?” Daisy asked, throwing the two packages of stickers at Bobbi.

“Is there a neither option?” Bobbi grimaced. She didn’t particularly want animals playing on her crutches, especially because the stickers were bound to wear off and leave her with headless kittens or something equally horrific.

“Rainbows?” Daisy suggested.

“I can do rainbows,” Bobbi said glumly. Truth be told, she didn’t want any stickers on her crutches at all. It felt like a way to dress up something that she didn’t _want_ to dress up. She didn’t like her crutches, and that wouldn’t change just because she put a couple pieces of sticky paper on them.

“That didn’t sound very rainbow-y.”

“Just tired, I guess,” Bobbi lied. Lying was coming too easily these days.

“Yeah.” Daisy’s smile flickered, then went out all at once. “I get that.”

“Maybe we don’t decorate the crutches?” Bobbi suggested after a drawn-out silence. “We can just sit here for a little while.” She didn’t want Daisy to have to put on a smile for her sake, not when Bobbi knew how exhausting it was to pretend to be okay. Daisy’s mom had died, in front of her no less, and that sucked. For some reason she was pretending it was fine. Just like how Bobbi was pretending her situation with her recovery was fine.

“Yeah.” The plastic bag sighed loudly when Daisy set it on the floor. Daisy sat cautiously on the couch next to Bobbi, then a moment later leaned into Bobbi’s side. Bobbi put an arm around Daisy’s shoulders, kicking at the plastic bag of stickers with her good leg.

They didn’t need kittens and puppies and rainbows all the time.

\---

Fitz came into the gym right as Bobbi threw her knee brace at the door. The damn thing wasn’t fitting correctly and it _hurt_ and she just wanted one fucking thing to go right, but nothing was.

“I would ask how you’re doing, but I think the answer’s kind of obvious.”

“Fuck off, Fitz.” Bobbi didn’t want to talk to anyone right now, and she especially didn’t want to talk to Fitz now that he had witnessed the tail end of her temper tantrum.

“No.”

Bobbi blinked. Fitz didn’t normally stand up to… well, anyone. Except for when it came to his quest to find out what happened to Jemma, but Bobbi wasn’t delusional enough to believe Fitz cared about her half as much as he cared about what happened with the monolith.

“I told you to get out,” she snapped.

“And I told you I wouldn’t!” Fitz retorted.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re - you’re doing this wrong!” Fitz huffed. “You think it’s going to be easier if you push everyone out? You think that being angry at everyone is going to make you heal any faster?”

“I’m not angry at any of you!” Bobbi’s voice warbled in her throat. “I’m angry at _me_!” Her body had never failed her like this before, and it _sucked_. Not being able to do anything she had once done without thought _sucked_. Going to bed every night exhausted and aching just from trying to walk _sucked_. The stupid pep talks everyone insisted on giving her _sucked_. She just wanted it all to be over with, but apparently sheer force of will couldn’t make get better.

“You shouldn’t be.”

“Everyone keeps telling me that, but it’s not like I can just turn it off.” Bobbi buried her face in her hands. “I’m so fucking tired, Fitz. None of this is getting easier and I’m _tired_.”

“It will get easier.” Fitz crossed the gym in a few long strides that Bobbi had to force herself not to be envious of. He didn’t reach out to her - Fitz never really did like touching or being touched, it seemed - but he stood there, hovering over her like a nervous mother hen.

“Maybe you won’t see it today, or tomorrow, or the next day, but a month from now you’ll look back on today and realize it was worth it.”

“I don’t have a month,” Bobbi said miserably. Most days it was all she could do to think about tomorrow. “Besides, a month from now everyone will really hate me.”

“Nobody hates you.” Fitz sat on the floor and Bobbi flinched at the sudden motion.

“Nobody hates you,” Fitz repeated, holding his hands palms-out towards her in a soothing gesture. “We know this can’t be easy. We don’t mind waiting. But we’re here when you’re ready.”

Bobbi just scoffed, and hoped against all hope Fitz wouldn’t notice she was crying.

\---

“Can you tell me where we’re going now?” Bobbi asked. Mack had bundled her into the passenger seat of one of the SUVs and refused to answer any of her questions. If he had been anyone else she would’ve bailed ages ago, but she assumed her best friend didn’t want to murder her. Or maybe he had finally had enough of her pissiness and was preparing to dispose of her body.

“Just wait,” Mack said for what must’ve been the hundredth time.

Fifteen minutes later they were pulling into a parking lot Bobbi didn’t recognize.

“That’s where we’re going,” Mack said, pointing to a nearby building.

“...Baskin Robbins?”

“It’s been three months since your last surgery. We need to celebrate.”

“Mack…” Bobbi said, sighing.

“Hey.” Mack said, unbuckling his seatbelt so he could turn to face her. “You deserve to celebrate this one, Barbara. Would it kill you to let yourself be happy?”

“I don’t know,” Bobbi mumbled. “I just...” Her breath caught in her throat. “I guess I never really thought about it.” She hadn’t kept track of her surgeries or the time since they’d happened. She’d just looked at all the work she still had left to do, all the things she couldn’t do yet but wanted to. The future was easier to look at than the past. There wasn’t any pain in the future, at least not yet.

“You should,” Mack said softly.

“I just want to feel like me again, Mack.”

“You’re still you.” Mack grabbed her hand, squeezing gently. “You’ve always been you to me.”

Bobbi’s cheeks felt strange.

She was… smiling? For real, which was strange.

Maybe that was what friends were for, Bobbi mused as she and Mack got out of the SUV and headed for the ice cream shop - reminding you who you were, even when you forgot.

_You’ve always been you to me._


End file.
